It just occurred to me that this process of making peace with food is having not only a mental/emotional/health impact, but a financial one as well. As I worked to get my finances under control, I came up with a series of habits that really helped keep me on track. Chief among them were the habits related to food shopping. I almost always had a shopping list and I found it very helpful to shop for two weeks at a time, with very few if any in-between forays to the store. I did get fresh produce delivered on the off weeks to keep that stuff stocked.
However, over the past couple of months I’ve started to see a shift. Part of that is a conscious move away from meticulous money tracking – a gift I gave myself for having resolved most of my issues and gotten into an established saving pattern. With that, came a more relaxed shopping list and more frequent trips to the store. The additional cost was not significant at first, which was gratifying. Even going on autopilot, I spent about the same as usual.
Over the past couple of weeks, though, I’ve noticed that I’m stopping at the store a LOT. This is mostly to indulge cravings and round out meals I planned to prepare. In my effort to make peace with food, I have been indulging whims in my eating and shopping habits in a way that I have not in a long time. I have not totaled up with amount of spending but it “feels” like I’m spending more.
I know that this phase is just that, a phase of my healing where I need to indulge myself a little bit. I need to feel like nothing is off limits and what I want really is worth an extra trip to the store. I am fortunate to be tackling this issue at a time when money is not nearly as tight as it once was. This gives me a freedom for which I’m grateful.
At the same time I know I’m out of balance. I can feel it. I am eating a bit too much and I’m spending a bit too much. After taking some time to really let loose, I feel pulled toward the middle. I crave the feeling that comes with being in tune with not only what my body wants (ice cream!) but what it also needs (vegetables!) What’s different now is that instead of looking to some program (Weight Watchers/counting calories) to tell me how to find that balance, I’m looking inward to find the answer. Now that I’m actually listening, the message is starting to get through.
Although things (my eating/finances) are a bit out of whack right now, it’s OK. I realize that’s just part of how this process unfolds. I need to trust myself to move through this in whatever way feels right to me. I think I’m finally starting to really trust that food will always be there for me when I’m hungry – that the days of restriction are over. Once that completely truly sinks in, I know that the urge to eat half a box of Grasshoppers will subside :D
Kamis, 28 Mei 2009
Selasa, 26 Mei 2009
Making Peace with Food: Harder than I Thought
As I move through the process of learning how to eat intuitively, I am struggling to deal with its most fundamental concept – making peace with food. That is the underlying premise of this whole thing! On the one hand, it is really exciting to eat things that I’ve previously restricted. I always thought that I wasn’t “too bad” about all that – I let myself have treats, but tried to limit/control them. But throughout the last week, I’ve found myself bumping up against beliefs I didn’t even really consciously acknowledge. I find myself thinking of buying/eating a food and initially dismissing it as out of hand (a box of Mint Milanos or Oreos, white pasta with Alfredo sauce. These things are just too bad (at least in my head). I am working to let these beliefs go – I know they are only hurting me. The Alfredo sauce only has power and is so tantalizing because I don’t allow myself to eat it. So, I guess I know what I’ll be buying at the store later…
I keep reading that this diet-backlash phase is normal and that I have to allow myself to move through it naturally. It’s OK that the majority of what I’m eating is “play food”. It won’t last forever. Eventually, if I really listen to my body, I’ll start to crave/want good for me stuff, too. But I’m not there yet and rushing it doesn’t work. I’m starting to get an inkling of this, though. I don’t like how I felt last night after eating too much ice cream after a larger dinner. Thinking about not wanting to repeat that feeling (bloated, uncomfortable) is a learning experience. I am retraining myself to not think of it as a “bad night” or that I messed up, somehow. I know it’s just one of the learning experiences that will help me retune my relationship with food. That shift in thinking is a big milestone for me.
At some point, my body will get the message that I will never restrict its food again. It needs to feel secure in the fact that another diet isn’t right around the corner as was the case previously. When I finally accept that food will always be readily available, I’ll be able to chill out in trying to get it all in. Knowing from others’ experience that it will happen doesn’t make it any less scary to be on the other side of it, waiting for it to kick in. There’s still a part of me that wonders if I’ll just keep eating and eating indefinitely and just get bigger and bigger. Intellectually, I understand that’s not what will happen, but emotionally, it’s the fear I’ve clung to for so long, that it’s hard to recalibrate my brain.
So for today, I’ll try not to think too much about it and just enjoy my food. Fried chicken and spaghetti with regular pesto sauce! It’s funny how I always said I didn’t know how to make fried chicken – I just didn’t allow myself to do it right. It is so good!
I keep reading that this diet-backlash phase is normal and that I have to allow myself to move through it naturally. It’s OK that the majority of what I’m eating is “play food”. It won’t last forever. Eventually, if I really listen to my body, I’ll start to crave/want good for me stuff, too. But I’m not there yet and rushing it doesn’t work. I’m starting to get an inkling of this, though. I don’t like how I felt last night after eating too much ice cream after a larger dinner. Thinking about not wanting to repeat that feeling (bloated, uncomfortable) is a learning experience. I am retraining myself to not think of it as a “bad night” or that I messed up, somehow. I know it’s just one of the learning experiences that will help me retune my relationship with food. That shift in thinking is a big milestone for me.
At some point, my body will get the message that I will never restrict its food again. It needs to feel secure in the fact that another diet isn’t right around the corner as was the case previously. When I finally accept that food will always be readily available, I’ll be able to chill out in trying to get it all in. Knowing from others’ experience that it will happen doesn’t make it any less scary to be on the other side of it, waiting for it to kick in. There’s still a part of me that wonders if I’ll just keep eating and eating indefinitely and just get bigger and bigger. Intellectually, I understand that’s not what will happen, but emotionally, it’s the fear I’ve clung to for so long, that it’s hard to recalibrate my brain.
So for today, I’ll try not to think too much about it and just enjoy my food. Fried chicken and spaghetti with regular pesto sauce! It’s funny how I always said I didn’t know how to make fried chicken – I just didn’t allow myself to do it right. It is so good!
Jumat, 22 Mei 2009
Fear of Weight Gain: How I'm working to Overcome it with Intuitive Eating
My biggest fear as I start this new process is that giving myself permission to eat what and how much I want will result in weight GAIN. This is horrifying to my diet-saturated mind. How can I risk it? Wouldn’t it be safer just to go back to counting calories? These are the questions and the mentality that I have to contend with within my own head. At this point, I need to just let go and move through the process without focus on the outcome.
So for all that fear, it turns out that it probably WILL happen. And it won’t necessarily be a bad thing. I came across an amazing post at Through Thick and Thin, an Intuitive Eating Forum, where one of the administrators, Shannon, explains what to expect when first letting go of fearing food and honoring hunger:
Over the past few days of reading about intuitive eating in the book and on the forum, I’m starting to calm down a bit with this fear. I have come to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing, no matter what. Even if I never shed an ounce. Even if it means living in an even bigger body. If I focus on taking care of myself and being as healthy as possible, I will be a much happier person. The issue is not about my size or shape but about my health and happiness. If I concentrate on that, the rest will take care of itself.
I no longer have the conviction that if I stopprd my intermittent attempts at weight loss, my weight would go up indefinitely. I now understand that is untrue – if I finally start listening to my own body, my own intuition about what to eat and how to move, I’ll settle at a healthy place for my particular body. Where ever that set-point winds up to be will be OK. How wonderful to learn that it is possible to trust myself. It is possible to heal. Knowing that I will never go on another diet again is so freeing.
So for all that fear, it turns out that it probably WILL happen. And it won’t necessarily be a bad thing. I came across an amazing post at Through Thick and Thin, an Intuitive Eating Forum, where one of the administrators, Shannon, explains what to expect when first letting go of fearing food and honoring hunger:
“…The key is to relax in this phase; to understand that your body has suffered a lot of abuse and needs to become acclimated to regular feeding. If you give your body this reprieve, you will find that any weight gain experienced is minimal and will rapidly level off. With consistent feeding, your body will feel secure that there is no impending food shortage and will begin to release its fat stores. If you can find some time to do some strength exercise; whether lifting weights, or using calisthenics and the natural weight of your body for resistance; you can begin to rebuild the muscle tissue that was lost through dieting. Replenishing muscle tissue will restore the efficiency of your metabolism; facilitating more timely healing…
…What is pertinent to recognize is that after years of disregarding your body and its needs, there is a physiological balancing that needs to take place. It may take some time for your body to readjust and you owe your body the space to make this shift. You owe your body at least this respect. It has been through a lot. What has been the pursuit of a physical ideal for you, has been a taxing crisis for your body. If you stick with intuitive eating and focus on your healing process; relinquishing the physical goal; you will find that naturally and effortlessly, your body will reach a size and shape that is healthy for you. Don't burden your body with a time constraint for this healing to manifest. Surrender to the wisdom of your body.”
Over the past few days of reading about intuitive eating in the book and on the forum, I’m starting to calm down a bit with this fear. I have come to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing, no matter what. Even if I never shed an ounce. Even if it means living in an even bigger body. If I focus on taking care of myself and being as healthy as possible, I will be a much happier person. The issue is not about my size or shape but about my health and happiness. If I concentrate on that, the rest will take care of itself.
I no longer have the conviction that if I stopprd my intermittent attempts at weight loss, my weight would go up indefinitely. I now understand that is untrue – if I finally start listening to my own body, my own intuition about what to eat and how to move, I’ll settle at a healthy place for my particular body. Where ever that set-point winds up to be will be OK. How wonderful to learn that it is possible to trust myself. It is possible to heal. Knowing that I will never go on another diet again is so freeing.
Rabu, 20 Mei 2009
Personal Finance at the Dentist
I loathe dental procedures. The last time I had fillings, I came out in a full blown anxiety attack. This is a rare thing for me and truly a frightening experience. I went in to have three fillings done. The first Novocain shot didn’t work properly and I jumped about a foot when the drill started in on the tooth. The dentist yelled at me for jumping, which was dangerous, and gave me another shot. Although I was physically numb for the fillings after that, I holding in the emotional trauma from the first experience. Tears were literally spilling out the whole time.
When I got out to the car, I completely LOST it. I had a total breakdown, sobbing for at least a half an hour before I could even think about driving away. Meanwhile, Cute Man had also just experienced worse procedures, including a tooth extraction, but he was comparatively OK. I was a mess. I did not return to a dentist for something like 4 years (I’m just guessing based on how long I’ve been with Cute Man).
Thanks to some great advice from Megan at Counting My Pennies I managed to make an appointment at the Bethesda Dental Spa. They were supposed to be sensitive to anxiety issues, etc. and offer sedation for services, if you want. Although the cost of all-out sedation was out of my realm, I opted to try nitrous oxide during my two fillings yesterday. It cost an additional $140.00 since it’s not covered by insurance but that is money well spent, I tell you. If nothing else, it made me concentrate on my breathing and I took deep breathes continuously, which is calming in itself. Regardless if it was just that, the placebo effect, or whatever, it was so much better. I was calm the whole time and got through with little anxiety. The only anxiety I had was the stress in anticipation of this dreaded experience in the weeks since my cleaning. Now, if I ever again need fillings, I won’t have that issue either, since I know what to expect now.
It may seem like a waste of money to spend $140.00 for something that’s not strictly medically necessary, but for me, the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. Thanks again, Megan, for letting me know about this!
When I got out to the car, I completely LOST it. I had a total breakdown, sobbing for at least a half an hour before I could even think about driving away. Meanwhile, Cute Man had also just experienced worse procedures, including a tooth extraction, but he was comparatively OK. I was a mess. I did not return to a dentist for something like 4 years (I’m just guessing based on how long I’ve been with Cute Man).
Thanks to some great advice from Megan at Counting My Pennies I managed to make an appointment at the Bethesda Dental Spa. They were supposed to be sensitive to anxiety issues, etc. and offer sedation for services, if you want. Although the cost of all-out sedation was out of my realm, I opted to try nitrous oxide during my two fillings yesterday. It cost an additional $140.00 since it’s not covered by insurance but that is money well spent, I tell you. If nothing else, it made me concentrate on my breathing and I took deep breathes continuously, which is calming in itself. Regardless if it was just that, the placebo effect, or whatever, it was so much better. I was calm the whole time and got through with little anxiety. The only anxiety I had was the stress in anticipation of this dreaded experience in the weeks since my cleaning. Now, if I ever again need fillings, I won’t have that issue either, since I know what to expect now.
It may seem like a waste of money to spend $140.00 for something that’s not strictly medically necessary, but for me, the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. Thanks again, Megan, for letting me know about this!
Senin, 18 Mei 2009
A 180 on Weight
As happy as I was with the Daily Plate, I realized that there was something just not “right” about my approach. I’ve felt it deep down for a long time, but I’ve been way too scared to really confront it. I got a taste of it when I started with the Beck Diet. The suggestion that I needed to sit and just eat my meals was somehow just too much for me. I tend to read or watch TV while eating… I know this isn’t conducive to healthy eating, but I felt like it was habit I just couldn’t break. That resistance spelled the death knell for the Beck approach.
So I went back to what works – calorie restriction. On a very basic level, this does indeed work. When I eat less than I burn, the scale goes down. It’s just very difficult to maintain, even when the goal is reasonable and not extreme. I found myself cycling through periods of sticking with it and then falling off a cliff into binges where I’d just tune out, eating what I wanted. However, there was no relief in those periods, either. I wasn’t free of worrying about my weight and eating, it just went underground making me feel guilty and bad about the fact that I wasn’t counting what ate. That definitely took a lot of the pleasure out of whatever it was I was binging on, leading me to eat even more, to make myself feel better. This, of course, didn’t really work so I’d work myself back up to counting again and being “good”. Around and around we go…
I did all of this because I was searching for the numbers (calories eaten vs. burned, the scale) to tell me what to do. I was looking outside of myself for guidance on how to fix myself. Since I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember, there must be something fundamentally broken about the way I interact with food. The thought of trusting myself with how much I should eat and when never occurred to me. When I heard about Intuitive Eating, I thought, “that’s such a great idea – for someone else”. There was just no way I’d be able to figure out what to eat without some serious math involved!
I know that sounds silly, but it is indeed a deeply held belief that I have. I am untrustworthy around food. If there is a lot food around, I will inevitably eat it. If there are snacks in the house, I will eat them all. So, the best thing is to avoid these situations – eat before I go to a party so I can just eat something small and be OK – refrain for bringing anything “bad” into the house.
I just took a look at myself and asked, is this really working, though? In my heart, I heard a loud NO. I am not happy, I am not thin, and most importantly – I’m not as healthy as I want to be. Something isn’t clicking. This led me to buy the Health at Every Size book. It was really eye opening and I read it through in a single day. I loved the philosophy but I was gripped with fear. What if I stop “trying” and I just balloon up? I loved the HAES idea but felt it was a little short on what exactly I should do. To help myself get a grip on how to get started, I am reading more about Intuitive Eating. I am ready to find a way back to trusting myself. It’s something I’ll have to re-learn but I’m willing to start.
The first thing I’m concentrating on is letting go of my fear of food. I am embracing the idea of eating what I want. When I allow myself to do that, the “bad” food loses its allure. (This is the theory and I’m just starting to experiment with this). If I know I can have oreos anytime I want, there is no need to eat 15 of them at a sitting. I’ll let you know how this goes. It is the most frightening thing I’ve done in my weight loss quest. Eat what I WANT? How bazaar! It started well, though, with the homemade brownies and ice cream I allowed myself to make and eat last night. (Scary, I know!) But you know what? I really didn’t go crazy with it. I had a single serving and felt great about it. Imagine!
Today, I focused on Honoring my Hunger and stopping when I was just satisfied. I ate without distractions and really enjoyed the stew I brought for lunch. I ate it mindfully and stopped about ¾ through because I’d had enough. It was an amazing accomplishment. Without fail, I always eat my entire Tupperware container-full – mostly just because it’s there and it’s the amount I had pre-counted calorie-wise. Instead, I am working on listening to my inner voice as to when I’m hungry or full. I am building a bit more confidence in my ability to do this.
Lastly, I found an Intuitive Eating group on Facebook and an online Forum for it as well. I think that interacting with “real” people who are doing this will help tremendously. I know that two of the wonderful bloggers I follow mostly eat in this way – Sally from Aprovechar and FT from Notes from the Frugal Trenches. I have always admired this ability and hope to join them in the endeavor. Has anyone else tried this approach? If so, how do you feel about it?
So I went back to what works – calorie restriction. On a very basic level, this does indeed work. When I eat less than I burn, the scale goes down. It’s just very difficult to maintain, even when the goal is reasonable and not extreme. I found myself cycling through periods of sticking with it and then falling off a cliff into binges where I’d just tune out, eating what I wanted. However, there was no relief in those periods, either. I wasn’t free of worrying about my weight and eating, it just went underground making me feel guilty and bad about the fact that I wasn’t counting what ate. That definitely took a lot of the pleasure out of whatever it was I was binging on, leading me to eat even more, to make myself feel better. This, of course, didn’t really work so I’d work myself back up to counting again and being “good”. Around and around we go…
I did all of this because I was searching for the numbers (calories eaten vs. burned, the scale) to tell me what to do. I was looking outside of myself for guidance on how to fix myself. Since I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember, there must be something fundamentally broken about the way I interact with food. The thought of trusting myself with how much I should eat and when never occurred to me. When I heard about Intuitive Eating, I thought, “that’s such a great idea – for someone else”. There was just no way I’d be able to figure out what to eat without some serious math involved!
I know that sounds silly, but it is indeed a deeply held belief that I have. I am untrustworthy around food. If there is a lot food around, I will inevitably eat it. If there are snacks in the house, I will eat them all. So, the best thing is to avoid these situations – eat before I go to a party so I can just eat something small and be OK – refrain for bringing anything “bad” into the house.
I just took a look at myself and asked, is this really working, though? In my heart, I heard a loud NO. I am not happy, I am not thin, and most importantly – I’m not as healthy as I want to be. Something isn’t clicking. This led me to buy the Health at Every Size book. It was really eye opening and I read it through in a single day. I loved the philosophy but I was gripped with fear. What if I stop “trying” and I just balloon up? I loved the HAES idea but felt it was a little short on what exactly I should do. To help myself get a grip on how to get started, I am reading more about Intuitive Eating. I am ready to find a way back to trusting myself. It’s something I’ll have to re-learn but I’m willing to start.
The first thing I’m concentrating on is letting go of my fear of food. I am embracing the idea of eating what I want. When I allow myself to do that, the “bad” food loses its allure. (This is the theory and I’m just starting to experiment with this). If I know I can have oreos anytime I want, there is no need to eat 15 of them at a sitting. I’ll let you know how this goes. It is the most frightening thing I’ve done in my weight loss quest. Eat what I WANT? How bazaar! It started well, though, with the homemade brownies and ice cream I allowed myself to make and eat last night. (Scary, I know!) But you know what? I really didn’t go crazy with it. I had a single serving and felt great about it. Imagine!
Today, I focused on Honoring my Hunger and stopping when I was just satisfied. I ate without distractions and really enjoyed the stew I brought for lunch. I ate it mindfully and stopped about ¾ through because I’d had enough. It was an amazing accomplishment. Without fail, I always eat my entire Tupperware container-full – mostly just because it’s there and it’s the amount I had pre-counted calorie-wise. Instead, I am working on listening to my inner voice as to when I’m hungry or full. I am building a bit more confidence in my ability to do this.
Lastly, I found an Intuitive Eating group on Facebook and an online Forum for it as well. I think that interacting with “real” people who are doing this will help tremendously. I know that two of the wonderful bloggers I follow mostly eat in this way – Sally from Aprovechar and FT from Notes from the Frugal Trenches. I have always admired this ability and hope to join them in the endeavor. Has anyone else tried this approach? If so, how do you feel about it?
Rabu, 13 Mei 2009
Calorie Tracking: What Works for Me
As I’ve mentioned before, FitDay is a calorie tracker which I’ve used with great success. However, a friend mentioned another free online one at the Daily Plate (thanks, Julie!) so I decided to check it out. It is much more user friendly and seems to have a far more extensive database of foods and activities. AND, it says I can eat more food :)
We’ve got a winner, folks! I’ve been really dragging lately and having a hard time logging in all of my food. I start out well during the day but develop selective memory in the evenings. Having a fresh new fun tool will help reinvigorate my efforts (one can hope!) The best game plan for me is always to pre-track what I plan to eat later that evening. I did that today so I’m off to a good start.
One of the toughest things for me and for a lot of people, I guess, is when I’m out of my routine. When I know I’m going home to cook and eat my own food, I can plan pretty easily. But when I’m going out for some social occasion, it gets a little dicier. At least I know what I can plan on for the Personal Finance bloggers get-together tomorrow – it’s half price night for burgers where we’re meeting :) And that’s OK, awesome in fact, because I know in advance and can plan around it. Knowing I have a juicy burger to look forward to makes it WAY easier to eat lighter during the day.
For a little insight on today’s progress, here are some excerpts from “My Plate”:
I’m always up for learning about new fun strategies and tools for weight loss – anybody discover anything new lately?
We’ve got a winner, folks! I’ve been really dragging lately and having a hard time logging in all of my food. I start out well during the day but develop selective memory in the evenings. Having a fresh new fun tool will help reinvigorate my efforts (one can hope!) The best game plan for me is always to pre-track what I plan to eat later that evening. I did that today so I’m off to a good start.
One of the toughest things for me and for a lot of people, I guess, is when I’m out of my routine. When I know I’m going home to cook and eat my own food, I can plan pretty easily. But when I’m going out for some social occasion, it gets a little dicier. At least I know what I can plan on for the Personal Finance bloggers get-together tomorrow – it’s half price night for burgers where we’re meeting :) And that’s OK, awesome in fact, because I know in advance and can plan around it. Knowing I have a juicy burger to look forward to makes it WAY easier to eat lighter during the day.
For a little insight on today’s progress, here are some excerpts from “My Plate”:
I’m always up for learning about new fun strategies and tools for weight loss – anybody discover anything new lately?
Jumat, 08 Mei 2009
Snapshot of Financial Health
While chilling over at Budgets are Sexy, I ran across this CNN Money tool that gives you a snapshot of your overall financial health in a nutshell. While J. scored a B+, I came in just under that with a B:
I feel great about all the debt I’ve eliminated and am pleased to have scored so high considering how bad things were 5 years ago. I am most concerned about building up emergency savings. The issues with life insurance (not even sure if it’s accurate – I don’t remember the amount I get through work) and retirement savings are on the back burner. That’s what personal finance is all about – figuring out what important to me and making my money work towards my goals.
Right now, Cute Man and I are focused on saving up to buy a house/condo and start a family. Once those things actually come into play, I’ll certainly look into the life insurance piece more carefully, but for right now, it’s not a concern. As things stand now, each of us could handle the rent/expenses on our own, if need be. As for retirement savings, I think it’s important not to leave money on the table so I’m contributing what I need to get the employer match. I had been contributing more, but I cut it back in favor of building the E-fund and saving to buy a house. We simply can’t do everything so we prioritized. I feel good that I am putting money away each check for retirement but I know that it’s not a whole lot. Thank goodness for compound interest, at least.
So how’s your financial health? Have you tried the tool and did you think it was an accurate indicator?
Jumat, 01 Mei 2009
Serious Recommitment or Day 7 of the 10 Day Challenge
OK, so this challenge hasn’t worked out the way I’d hoped. Let’s face it, I’ve been off track. As you can see from this weight goal graph, things were going swimmingly up until mid-late April. Those high squiggles above the line are NOT good.
After an awesome conversation with a friend today, I realize that I have been trying too hard (yet again) and derailing myself in the process. Why did I think that “shooting” for 1500 calories was a good daily goal? I *know* myself. I tend to give up when I go over. So… I have reevaluated a few things. First of all, I’m changing my goal to a straight 1 lb per week pace (as opposed to 1.25lbs or 5lbs per month). That is a great, slow-and-steady pace to shoot for. I’m also going to work on keeping my calorie intake to between 1700-1750 calories per day – the amount FitDay recommends to achieve that 1 lb per week pace, even without added exercise.
The exercise that I do will help offset any small overages but I think this is a more attainable way to go about this. This plan will take me below 200lbs by the end of the year. I can live with that!
After an awesome conversation with a friend today, I realize that I have been trying too hard (yet again) and derailing myself in the process. Why did I think that “shooting” for 1500 calories was a good daily goal? I *know* myself. I tend to give up when I go over. So… I have reevaluated a few things. First of all, I’m changing my goal to a straight 1 lb per week pace (as opposed to 1.25lbs or 5lbs per month). That is a great, slow-and-steady pace to shoot for. I’m also going to work on keeping my calorie intake to between 1700-1750 calories per day – the amount FitDay recommends to achieve that 1 lb per week pace, even without added exercise.
The exercise that I do will help offset any small overages but I think this is a more attainable way to go about this. This plan will take me below 200lbs by the end of the year. I can live with that!
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