Finding Contentment

Seeing this ad for Weight Watchers at Work in my inbox today made me sad. My heart breaks a little every time I think of someone else going down the road that, in the end, led to nothing but frustration and distrust of my body. What’s even worse is that I’m on the committee that helps shape and promote these types of initiatives. Yes, really.

When I first heard this was coming, it was pretty much a done deal. It was happening. I had a choice: rail against it or acquiesce. I’m glad that I took a moment to think before sharing my reaction. My knee-jerk defiance would not have convinced anyone. So, I chose to share my concerns but not let it take over the whole meeting. So here we are.

The most important lesson I’ve learned since deciding once and for all to never again restrict food intake or exercise for the purpose of losing weight is that everyone is entitled to body autonomy. I now know, on a fundamental level, that no one else’s opinions or proscriptions for me or my body are as important as my own. I have the right to listen and incorporate or reject anything. The flip side of that, of course, is that I must recognize that right in others as well.

There is a large demand for these types of programs and this is the result. Personally, it’s hard for me to fathom that the low cost yoga, Pilates, Zumba, and other fitness classes are not exactly full to capacity, but people are clamoring to give big chunks their money away to a big corporation to provide them the magic answer to health. But that is my opinion, and just as I’m entitled to it, so are those who want to give this a shot. Who am I to tell anyone what to do with their body?

So, I’ll continue the revolution in my own quiet way. I share my perspective with anyone who wants to hear it and shut the hell up when it’s clearly not wanted. I am no evangelist. All I can do is find the right path for me and surround myself with supportive (if not always completely like-minded) people. It’s not my job to tell anyone else how to live.

In my yoga teacher training class, they call me Santosha – which means Contentment. I picked it because it sounded pretty and stood for something I’d like to cultivate in my life. And it’s working… the more I let go of things I can’t control (like trying to change my body or the choice of others to do Weight Watchers), the happier I am. I enjoy taking care of myself in many ways, including doing yoga on a close-to-daily basis; a daily home practice is something I could never quite make myself do, before. Funny how when I stopped trying to make myself do it, I found that I truly wanted to do it. These things become easier now that I do them out of love, rather than in the pursuit of some quantifiable goal. There is no longer that feeling of discouragement that comes when the scale doesn’t move or inexplicably goes up. Who cares? How does doing yoga make me feel, right now? Do I feel more alive and in touch with my body and my soul? Good, then my purpose was achieved.

So that is my wish and intention for my world – Contentment. I hope that whatever path you choose to take, it brings you peace and self-acceptance.

Calorie Tracking: What Works for Me

As I’ve mentioned before, FitDay is a calorie tracker which I’ve used with great success. However, a friend mentioned another free online one at the Daily Plate (thanks, Julie!) so I decided to check it out. It is much more user friendly and seems to have a far more extensive database of foods and activities. AND, it says I can eat more food :)

We’ve got a winner, folks! I’ve been really dragging lately and having a hard time logging in all of my food. I start out well during the day but develop selective memory in the evenings. Having a fresh new fun tool will help reinvigorate my efforts (one can hope!) The best game plan for me is always to pre-track what I plan to eat later that evening. I did that today so I’m off to a good start.

One of the toughest things for me and for a lot of people, I guess, is when I’m out of my routine. When I know I’m going home to cook and eat my own food, I can plan pretty easily. But when I’m going out for some social occasion, it gets a little dicier. At least I know what I can plan on for the Personal Finance bloggers get-together tomorrow – it’s half price night for burgers where we’re meeting :) And that’s OK, awesome in fact, because I know in advance and can plan around it. Knowing I have a juicy burger to look forward to makes it WAY easier to eat lighter during the day.

For a little insight on today’s progress, here are some excerpts from “My Plate”:

I’m always up for learning about new fun strategies and tools for weight loss – anybody discover anything new lately?

Serious Recommitment or Day 7 of the 10 Day Challenge

OK, so this challenge hasn’t worked out the way I’d hoped. Let’s face it, I’ve been off track. As you can see from this weight goal graph, things were going swimmingly up until mid-late April. Those high squiggles above the line are NOT good.

After an awesome conversation with a friend today, I realize that I have been trying too hard (yet again) and derailing myself in the process. Why did I think that “shooting” for 1500 calories was a good daily goal? I *know* myself. I tend to give up when I go over. So… I have reevaluated a few things. First of all, I’m changing my goal to a straight 1 lb per week pace (as opposed to 1.25lbs or 5lbs per month). That is a great, slow-and-steady pace to shoot for. I’m also going to work on keeping my calorie intake to between 1700-1750 calories per day – the amount FitDay recommends to achieve that 1 lb per week pace, even without added exercise.

The exercise that I do will help offset any small overages but I think this is a more attainable way to go about this. This plan will take me below 200lbs by the end of the year. I can live with that!

How Exercise Affects Weight Loss

In today’s Hungry Girl Email, she explains how some fitness efforts can actually backfire, if you’re not careful:

“…research shows that people grossly overestimate how many calories they burn during exercise. Not only that, but physical activity often makes people hungry. And since we tend to think we've burned more calories than we really have, we can end up consuming MORE calories than we've burned.”

I have noticed this myself – big time. I started working out again in earnest last November. I joined the circuit training class with my trainer, Scott. I was exercising at least 3 times a week, but my eating was out of control. I was starting to feel better physically, but it wasn’t until January that I started to lose weight. What changed? I started tracking calories with FitDay so I was clear about the calorie restriction I was creating.

I loved seeing my calories burned per day go up so I thought, hey – why don’t I start exercising MORE? I was already doing the circuit training 3 times per week plus yoga 2 times per week. How about adding 3 or more extra cardio sessions to burn more calories? I started hitting the cardio machines (elliptical and/or treadmill) for 30-60 minutes BEFORE going to Scott’s class. I felt like I was so hardcore. The problem? I was ravenous!!! I was still tracking calories but I just couldn’t restrict myself down below 1650 per day. And often, I was reaching 1900-2000 calories eaten. That’s not horrible, and it was understandable considering how much I was working out. But what was the net effect? Not a whole lot. My rate of weight loss was about the same, if not a tad slower.

So, I came to the realization that I was wearing myself out needlessly. I was struggling to get through Scott’s workouts because I was already tired from a whole day of work plus an hour on the cardio machines. I was choosing quantity over quality and not really getting where I wanted to go. That led me to take a step back and reassess. Right now I’m sticking to the 3 training and 2 yoga sessions per week, for the most part, and filling in with cardio only when one of those things can’t happen – like when yoga was canceled on Tuesday, I did 45 minutes on the treadmill instead. I’ll also do the same today, Friday, because nothing else is scheduled and I feel like doing it (I know, who is this and what did she do with Amelia?) If I didn’t, I would take today off, too. Sunday is my mandatory rest day to let my muscles recover. I think that 5-6 times a week a just fine, thank you very much!

The issue is really about balance. Exercise was making me feel so great so would more just be even better? No, not so much. I’m back in a more realistic groove and the proof is in the results. I’ve found it much easier to stick with closer to 1500 calories each day and I’m not exhausted. Win-win. And if that wasn’t enough, the scale is showing me love, too. As of this morning, I’m down to 228.2 for a grand total of 15.5 lbs lost!

I am coming up on a pretty challenging weekend. I’m going to NJ to seeing my family. Between a nice dinner out with my Dad and Stepmother and the Passover Seder with my Mom and Grandmother, I’ll be surely tested. But like I found with exercise, balance is important. I have been 99% on point this week so I plan to loosen up a little over the weekend. I’ll use some WW shorthand in the manner of Points to track my intake – shooting for more of maintenance level of 2000 calories per day on Sat and Sun.

First Quarter Update

As of today, I’ve been tracking my weight, calories, and activity through FitDay for 3 full months! I feel so proud of myself for sticking with it. Although the process is not quick, it has been methodical. My goal is to lose an average of 5 pounds per month and I’m just shy of that average right now with a grand total of (drum roll, please!) 14.3lbs! I am very happy with my progress so far and with the fact that I haven’t given up when it (often) feels like I’m getting nowhere fast. I weigh myself daily but in terms of checking how I’m doing, the monthly number is the most meaningful to me.

The backbone of this whole process is monitoring what I eat. I have come to terms with the fact that I need to track my food meticulously in order to stay on track. I used to fight that truth and resent it to the point where I’d just give up. I’d think, “it’s just too much work! It’s so unfair that I have to do this. It’s not worth it.” I’ve found a way to let that go and just make it a part of my life. Keeping track of the money I spend isn’t necessary fun, either, but it’s key if I don’t want to overdraw my account. Part of being a grownup is doing things that are necessary, whether or not they’re fun.

To get an idea of what this looks like for me, here’s my food entry for today. You can see that I’ve already plotted out what I’m having the rest of the day. That makes things so much easier for me so I do it whenever possible. I also try to work in a treat at the end of the day. Today it’s a piece of chocolate with peanut butter. Yum!


One of the biggest changes I’ve made that has contributed to my success so far is the consistent exercise. The fitness class focused mostly on strength training that I take three times a week is the anchor of my schedule. That combined with yoga and some cardio really has me feeling so much better and much stronger. I did 18 (girl) push ups without stopping last night! My goal is to work up to 20, then start working on doing them with my legs straight. Here is a snapshot of my activity for today:


Although I haven’t changed sizes yet, I definitely feel better within the clothes that I have. Before starting up in January, I must admit that they were starting to show some strain. Now most are loose and comfortable but not sloppy. I did put on a pair of jeans on Saturday that I haven’t been able to wear in quite some time. That felt terrific. Last time I wore them, I was more like 215lbs (as opposed to my 229.4 today) so I know that the strength training is having a bigger effect than just making me stronger. I am toning up and building muscle.

Whoever first said that slow and steady wins the race was not kidding. Being patient is the hardest part of this whole journey. I’m good for one day and then wonder why I’m not down a pound the next. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way so looking at the cumulative effect is the only way to stay sane.

So these are my tricks of the trade. What works for you? What kinds of mental and physical obstacles have you hurdled to wrap you mind around getting healthier. Please share your tips/experience in the comments!

10 Pounds!

To think, tracking and cutting my calories plus exercise = weight loss! It’s revolutionary, my friends. I am on a bit of high right now. I couldn’t believe it when I stepped on the scale this morning. I’ve officially lost 10.7 lbs since I started tracking with FitDay on January 7th. I’ve added in more cardio this week (30 minutes 3 x per week), which seems to be helping. The circuit training and yoga was helping me tone up but it wasn’t burning the calories as much as I wanted.

I’ve spent a lot of time resisting this process in the past. I think I just rebelled against having to do the necessary work. It seemed so unfair that I’d have to work so hard. I’ve finally let go of that and just buckled down. There is no simple “cutting back, moving more” for me. It doesn’t happen without concerted, focused attention. What works: tracking every single bite, exercising a minimum of 5 times/week, and embracing these changes as something positive instead of a punishment.

I think there is a tipping point of inertia – for the first couple of months, the workouts wore me out. I was motivated and consistent, but drained from “having” to do them. But at a certain point, things tipped and now I feel better due to all the activity. I’ve noticed this week in particular, that I’m less tired in the morning and I drink a bit less coffee throughout the day. I need to stay with this flow and keep up the consistency. I know far too well that it takes very little for me to completely derail and wind up on the wrong side of the inertia pull.

Thanks to everyone who is supporting me in this. Despite so many past failures, you’ve all pushed me to believe that I can do this, no matter what.

The Power of Positive Thoughts

In my yoga class today, the instructor spoke to us about how positive thoughts can actually help release feel-good hormones into our bloodstream. And of course, the opposite is true as well. That negative interior monologue that tends to chastise and rebuke, has a physical manifestation as well. Being aware of this inner critic, I try to keep her at bay – I know she’s doing me no favors. But there is nothing like trying to lose weight to get her going. Any misstep or overindulgence pumps up the volume on these types of thoughts. I try to banish them but they come back from time to time anyway, always at my most vulnerable moment.

In Step Four of Sally’s Year of Self Care, she addresses this phenomenon at length and gives some tips for combating it. The idea of cultivating an empathic inner voice is not entirely new to me. I do often stop mid-negative thought and try to replace it with a more positive one. But Sally takes it a step further and encourages us to have inner conversations with ourselves about how we’re feeling. As she notes, it seems a bit corny but can be quite transformative.

My favorite quote is at the end: “It’s not just about weight loss, though self-empathy helps with weight loss. It’s about finding fulfillment in life by honoring your needs. That starts with gentle listening.” I will work on doing a better job of listening to what it is I truly want so I’m not distracted by what I may think I want in the moment.