Adventures in Gestational Diabetes Testing

I needed a hug!

It has recently become standard practice to test every pregnant woman for gestational diabetes (GD) somewhere between 24-28 weeks along. There are many good things about this, mostly because once identified, there are real tangible things one can do to prevent the associated complications, often only with changes in diet and lifestyle.

My objection, personally, only came up to the method of testing. In an effort to make the process uniform, they use a glucose solution called Glucola to give you a set amount of sugar. The first screening test involves drinking the solution (50g of glucose from dextrose/corn sugar) within 5 minutes, waiting an hour, and then having blood drawn to test glucose levels. If your levels are high for this (over 140), you go on to do a similar procedure with 100g solution. This time, you have to come in fasted, have blood drawn, drink the solution, and get tested each hour for 3 hours. If any two of your values are considered high, you are officially diagnosed as having GD.

I get why this would be a very convenient and standardized way to do this for the medical community. You can compare data across populations and have very clear procedures. However, as an individual patient with my own needs, concerns, and medical history, this procedure was not in my best interest. As someone who has followed a whole foods based diet low in processed sugar and grains for several years (four now), I know that my body does not handle those things well at all. And I'm not alone in this. I am in no way perfect with my eating, but I do eat far less than the average amount of refined sugar. As a result, my system isn’t used to having to deal with large doses of glucose all at once and takes a bit longer to clear such occasional occurrences. I don’t believe this to be a pathological state or any problem for my overall health. Ironically, if I was eating an unhealthy diet of processed food, my body would probably be better equipped to deal with the sugar load, in the short term. The problem with this, though, is that over time my system would get worn out from such a taxing business and that is how Type 2 diabetes develops. You basically get burned out. With my former habits and family history, I know that would have inevitably been my fate, had I not changed my ways.

So back to this whole GD thing. I was pretty sure I was going to fail that test. I talked with my doctor about an alternative – what *I* care about is how *my* body is handling the actual food I eat every day, not how I handle a glass of flat sugary soda I’d never drink willingly in a million years. I bought a blood glucose meter and told her I’d be willing to test my sugars 4 times a day for a couple weeks to see how my body was handling what I actually eat. No dice. I was told I must do the glucose tolerance test. I know in theory that all health procedures are, in the end, up to the patient and that no one could force me to do anything. But that’s not how it feels. It felt like I had no choice, no options. I debated what to do and finally decided just to do the initial screening test. I have to say that I felt very pressured and uncomfortable with the whole thing.

And… I failed the screening test. Of course. This left me staring at the next step of the 3 hour test, which would be quite unpleasant. Try telling a pregnant lady she can’t eat anything when she gets up, has to make it to the lab, drink sugar, and sit for 3 hours – and get 4 blood draws. Women do this all the time and I am so sorry for that. That sounds like a lousy day. Couple that with how large amounts of sugar make me feel (exhausted, light headed, sometimes nauseated) and that just is not something I wanted to do. All so they could tell me I have GD based on completely abnormal behavior *for me*.

I should say that I don’t fear having to test blood sugar or monitoring it on my own at all. I certainly don’t fear the diet and lifestyle recommendations they’d give me (ironically to basically eat how I normally do and exercise). What I fear is a needless diagnosis on my medical history that would open me up for additional interventions and higher probability for things like being induced or even a C-section. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think any of those things are bad, they’re just overused and not optimal, if they can be safely avoided. I do not want to be classified high risk if my actual lifestyle, behavior, and health do not warrant it.

As a result, I started testing my blood sugar (BS) 4 times a day – fasting (goal of 95 or less) and 2 hours after meals (120 or less). I did that for a couple days between failing the screening test and seeing my doctor. (All but one of the values was in range – the outlier? The night I had gluten free pizza, a processed food that I eat occasionally – proving that I do not handle processed food well). I did this to show her not only that my numbers were fine based on what I actually eat, but also that I’m willing to be proactive about my health. Refusing the 3 hour test (which is what I went in to the appointment determined to do), was not about putting my head in the sand and pretending I don’t have a problem that might harm my baby. It was about individualizing my care and making sure I’m not treated for a disease I do not have.

It was an uncomfortable appointment and it was upsetting to me that the doctor was most concerned about checking things off her list – she just couldn’t fathom not doing B after A (if you fail the one hour, you do the three hour test). She barely looked at my BS numbers and food diary or even commented on the fact that they were almost all perfect, which would be impossible for anyone with gestational diabetes that wasn’t already being treated. I finally just had to say, “I’m not going to do it” – as an emphatic statement regarding the 3 hour test. Multiple times she threatened that I’d have to test my BS 4 times a day for the rest of my pregnancy, as if that was the worst thing in the world (people with GS do this, of course). Every time she said that, I just replied that would be fine with me. I love data and the info is very interesting to me, in any case.

In the end, she wrapped her head around the fact that I wasn’t going to budge and agreed to treat me like a gestational diabetic, in terms of monitoring BS, education, etc. but hold off on any official diagnosis until such time that I demonstrated that my numbers were not staying in range. This, was all I wanted. It was hard won, but totally worth it.

Coincidentally, my doctor is also expecting a baby so I will have to switch providers soon anyway. I will be asking about how the next one feels about this plan of action first thing!

The info I’m getting from testing has already been so enlightening. Knowing that pizza is not my friend (is anyone surprised?) is good to know since it is something I indulge in every so often. I’m going to test after making my own crust at home from this Paleo Spirit recipe which I love, to see if I tolerate that. If not, I will just avoid it, but it’s good to know either way. Another cool thing I’ve noticed is that putting maple syrup, honey, or dates in hot cocoa, tea, and protein shakes does not spike my BS at all. I don’t use a lot at any given time, but still, it’s good to know that I don’t have to go down to very low carb, something I was avoiding during pregnancy. Brown rice is fine, too. I will check on potatoes and sweet potatoes as they come up in my diet. I’ve had a few apples and a banana at one point, none of which pushed me over, either.

Overall, this has been a really interesting experience. It was frustrating to feel so misunderstood about something so important to my health and our little Cute Baby. I’m sure it won’t be the last time I’ll have to stand up for what should be common sense in this Bizarro world of ours. Personally, I hate confrontation and dealing with this was super tough on me. I definitely don’t do any of this lightly. For me, drinking something not-optimal once or twice isn’t the issue or a big deal. We are resilient beings, thank goodness. But, I don’t think it’s crazy to want to avoid all the potential downstream effects. So in the end, I’m glad I bothered to take a stand and I hope this might just make it a little bit easier on the next crazy lady who doesn’t want to drink the Kool-Aid Glucola.

Health Coach - Part 1

It's been a month and a half since the retreat and I've spent that time trying to sort out my goals. As with most things in life, having that experience was transformative and enlightening, but not at all in the way I thought it would be. Going in to it, I was feeling extremely good. I had hit a good rhythm with activity level and what I was eating. I thought the retreat would just cement those positive changes and spur me on to even greater things.

Since I had the great honor and privilege to attend the retreat as a work-study person, I had a somewhat different experience from the other guests. I am eternally grateful to the organizers for giving me this chance. Huge thanks to Paul and Shou-Ching Jaminet, Whitney Ross Gray, Kamal Patel, Laura Schoenfeld and her mother, Pam Schoenfeld. I had a singular opportunity to learn from the best, and value all I absorbed from the daily lectures, cooking demos, and informal discussions. 

The break in routine really through me, though. Also, with hindsight being so clear, I have noticed a few other things that conspired to knock me off course:

• Slightly less sleep than normal
• Higher carb consumption than what I was doing with my version of PHD prior to the retreat
• Less downtime than I'm used to
• More social interaction (I'm an introvert, so I need quite a bit of alone time each day to recharge even though I love people)
• Intermittent fasting (we ate only from 12:00pm-8:00pm each day and I was up at 6:00am; I've determined that I really do need a whack of protein in the morning to feel my best)
• Vitex (I was taking this supplement for several months to try and regulate my hormones -- I finally realized it was having the opposite effect from what I was intending and it made me very moody, emotional, and increased my PMS and menstrual symptoms, things it was supposed to help relieve. I finally found some info that noted that some people can react this way so I'm pretty sure this was the biggest culprit).

All of this is to say -- I came home not feeling that well at all so this post is mostly about how I'm working to get myself back on track. I've had to move past a lot of self-blame for not being more resilient, flexible, and adaptable -- all qualities I've always thought of myself as possessing. I've finally come to the conclusion that I truly was not myself at the retreat. It was not a failure of me as a person, rather a failure to recognize or address the issues I outlined above. 

Since I initially blamed my mood/exhaustion issues all on the carbs, I resolved to go low carb again shortly after I returned since I always felt so good when eating that way. This time, it didn't seem to "work". It took me some time but I finally realized it was the Vitex and stopped that just last week. I already feel better. Go figure!

To help bring clarity to my situation and get an outside perspective, I've decided to work with a health coach. I have a new game plan that I'm working on with her help. I will lay it out in Part 2, since this is getting so long!

Focus on: Healing Foods, Working out, Staying Positive

Ever since the end of my last Whole 30 that ended in late January, I have been struggling. I am in a state of push-pull between my desire to be healthy and my desire for cookies :) In all seriousness, I am undermining my healthy ways with sugar. I can’t seem to stop. I go back and forth about trying doing another Whole 30 (even my language is equivocating!) Part of me is resentful that all that I am doing right is just not enough. The logical part of me knows that it takes work to succeed. I need to get over it. But everytime I start to resolve to take on another month of strict Paleo, I rebel against the restriction. This inner battle has left me treading water and getting nowhere.

Although I’m trying not to make this about my weight, I have noticed that my clothes are fitting more snuggly and I’m just not feeling fabulous right now. Working out helps. I’ve stuck with The Smarter Science of Slim workouts (two short but intense workouts a week) for the most part, missing a couple here and there for travel or work conflicts. The times I did miss my workouts were the lowest in terms of how I was feeling about myself so I know those are an absolute must not only for my physical wellbeing, but mental health as well.

Moving forward, in terms of food, I’m going to focus on what I do want to be including as opposed to just thinking about what I “can’t” have. Yes, sugar is going resolutely into the “no” category but I’m keeping my Stevia and sugar free baking like the recipes available on Maria’s Blog. I also want to try these Chocolate Chip Cookies using Stevia (I seem to need CCCs in my life). I’m aware that those foods aren’t the most nutrient dense and that they’re a crutch. But the idea of having them as an option makes my toddler brain calm down – tantrum averted.

Additionally, I’m focusing on incorporating some healing foods like bone broth and kombucha, both of which I make at home and drink at least once a day. I also add some Great Lakes Kosher Gelatinto whatever I can – mixed into hot tea or made into gummies. Gelatin, prevalent in the broth and as a supplement, is very healing to the gut and is great for supporting joint health. It’s also awesome for your hair and nails. Another addition that makes a big difference for me is magnesium. I take Natural Calm stirred into hot water in the evening (it can make you sleepy). Many people are deficient and it’s needed for hundreds of bodily functions. I somehow stopped taking it for awhile and saw an uptick in my sugar cravings – I can’t swear that it’s related, but I am guessing that it is. Taking it also helps the muscle soreness I get after my workouts. This is going back on the daily plan. Lastly, having a substantial breakfast including at least 30 grams of protein (equal to about 3 eggs) is essential for starting the day off right and keeping my hunger in check for the rest of the day.

So that’s the non-plan plan for now. I will do my best to keep the emphasis on taking the best care of myself that I can as opposed to sinking to the dieting mentality that only serves to derail me. How are you doing with your healthy living plans? Any tips you can share?

Natural Body and Home Care

I’m a little late to this party, but I am finally starting to look at seriously changing many of my body care habits to be more natural and less toxic. I’ve realized this was important for quite some time, but have given myself a break on the topic because dealing with sourcing, cooking, and managing my food was enough for me to handle. Although I feel like I’m pretty good in the kitchen and pretty well versed in the food department, it does still get a little overwhelming sometimes. It took time to get familiar and comfortable with all the “strange” ingredients this lifestyle introduces (things like coconut and almond flours, arrowroot powder, apple cider vinegar, ghee, I could go on…) and slowly start accumulating them. I wasn’t ready to jump in on the natural body care stuff as well, at least not at first when I wasn’t quite sure I’d like the results and didn’t want to waste money on stuff that would just sit around.

But now, I’m ready. I think. Inspired by Easy Paleo’s post about how she’s starting this process, I’m about to embark on trying out some new products and/or recipes. I will make sure to keep you posted on how it goes. Here’s the list of things I’m going to try over the next few weeks. Please note that I haven’t moved on to hair products just yet (baby steps!) and still am using my Deva Curl products, which don’t seem to be too incredibly toxic according to Safe Cosmetics, at least. I’m not even going to mention my hair color – I tried to wean myself off that habit with disastrous results. I realize it’s not all or nothing and my hair color habit probably won’t knock me dead any time soon and does not undo any other positive changes I decide to make. Any attempt at reducing my exposure to toxins is probably worthwhile (I hope!) I’d also like to get into using more natural homecare products as well. I’ll list the ones I already use or plan to try below, too, but I have a lot more room to grow there as well. Any suggestions you all have in this department are welcome!

Body Care Products/Ideas

• Fermented Cod Liver Oil/Butter Oil Blend (Used this for months already – body care from the inside-out!)
• Oil Cleansing Method (I’m going to try this out just with coconut oil because I have it on hand before trying out the caster oil/grape seed oil blend)
• Grandma's Lye Soap (just ordered this)
• Natural Deodorant (I will mix some the second, easier recipe up tonight since I have the stuff on hand)
• OraWellness Brushing Blend, Toothbrush, and Tongue Scraper (ordered these online today for a total of about $35 with shipping)
• Epsom Salts in the Bath (very relaxing – love this!)
• Natural Beach Waves Spray (Mine didn’t turn out that great – I used too much conditioner. Will try again)
• Primal Life Organics (I think I'll probably start with the Primal Face and Body Package - I'll see how my attempts at making my own deoterant and using the oil cleansing method go first)

Home Care Products/Ideas

• Vinegar and Baking Soda to clean (used both in the shower with a wash cloth and it worked well!)
• Vinegar with water as a glass cleaner (tried this in the past and it works)
• Tropical Traditions Dish Washer Detergent (I’ve been meaning to try this – will order next time I run out)
• Seventh Generation Laundry Liquid  (not up for making my own)
• Dish Soap (I’ve used this for awhile – it is effective and smells good)

If you're looking for good info on this topic, definitely check out Cavegirl Eats and Wellness Mama - both have tons of great resources, recipes, etc.

No More Heartburn

I’m afraid to jinx myself, but I think I’m finally free from heartburn! It’s been a couple weeks since I took my last Prilosec and I feel fine :) Although the pills worked well, I was fearful of their side-effects and of staying on them long-term in general. I didn’t stop on purpose, really. I just forgot to take them for a couple of days and realized I had an opportunity to try and get off them. It just felt right. There was something about taking those pills every day that really got me down. Eating low carb and especially Paleo, seems to be the ticket for many with this problem. It bugged me that I still had to deal with it, even with my great diet.

The only things I changed during this period were to add a lot more gelatin and probiotics to my diet. I also have made a concerted effort not to drink water with meals and to slow down and make sure not to overeat at all. I wanted to do whatever I could to help my poor gut heal itself and not irritate it unnecessarily. I also stocked up on TUMS just in case (I have not popped even one, as of this writing!)

I have struggled to find a way to incorporate probiotics into my diet. I don’t like sauerkraut or many fermented foods at all. Pickles are pretty much it, on that front. I’ve also not had much luck with yogurt. The dairy still seems to bother me. I’d like to try coconut yogurt, but I could only find it pre-sweetened in the store, so that was out. As a result, I’ve tried to get my hands on some real, lacto-fermented pickles. They have Bubbies brand at the health food store, and those are good. I’ve also discovered the joys of kombucha. I like the cranberry flavor that I found in the store (the fermentation process brings the carb content way down so it doesn’t spike my blood sugar). I very much want to learn how to make it myself and will be following this guide from Wellness Mama soon to try it out. Buying it by the bottle at the store is expensive! I’m also taking one probiotic supplement every couple of days, especially when I don’t get any from food. Who knows if it’s helping? But it doesn’t seem to have any ill effects, either.

My saving grace, though, is gelatin. It is the most soothing substance I have come across. Its health benefits include helping to heal the gut lining and it’s also good for aching joints, arthritis, etc. I’ve been putting it in everything from soup to tea, having it several times a day. Whenever I feel the smallest twinge in my tummy, I drink some tea with it mixed in and I feel instantly better. Is it the placebo effect? Do I care? I also have been making homemade bone broths (chicken, turkey, beef) using good quality bones, which are a natural source of this healing substance. The only advice I have about gelatin is that quality matters. I’m not talking about Jello brand desserts, with all kinds of additives. I get Great Lakes brand, which is sourced from grass fed animals.

I don’t have a clue if any of the above strategies are doing much to make this happen or if I’m simply healing on my own. It doesn’t matter all that much to me. I’m just glad to be feeling better and less dependent on pharmaceuticals for my daily comfort.

Another 180?

Weight Watchers junky to Intuitive Eating purist to the Metabolism Miracle… Have I lost my mind and succumbed to a fad diet? No… please hear me out…

I’ve talked a lot about how dieting has not worked for me (to lose weight or in terms of my mental health). I was thrilled to discover intuitive eating and have gained a great deal of peace through that type of approach to food. It feels great to no longer be a slave to cravings and it still amazes me how easily I can decide I’m full and just stop. No big deal! But somewhere there was a disconnect – if I was doing such a good job of tuning into my hunger, etc. why was I continuing to gain weight steadily? I understood the rebound affect after stopping with the restriction, but after almost two years, there has been no end in sight. I am not afraid of being fat, per se but there came a point where I came to terms with the fact that I just don’t feel good and my health was starting to be affected.

I felt lost – not wanting to return to calorie counting but not really knowing what else to do. That’s when I discovered the Metabolism Miracle. I know it sounds faddy and I really wish it had a less sensational kind of name so I wouldn’t feel so foolish. I heard an interview with the author in a podcast and what she had to say stopped me in my tracks. The premise of the book and of the author, Diane Kress’s work as a dietitian, is that about half of those who are overweight have a problem with insulin. This manifests itself in conditions (when actually diagnosed!) like insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, PCOS, and eventually, Type 2 diabetes. The symptoms manifest at different times in our lives for different people. Some might start having issues early in life, others not until they get gestational diabetes during pregnancy, or even not until menopause. Regardless of when symptoms arrive, all of these folks have what she calls Metabolism B. Men can have this too, I just tuned in more to the female life stages since I am one :)

People with this type of metabolism have trouble losing weight and/or keeping it off, tend to gain weight around their middle, and often suffer from mood swings (among many other symptoms). But there is a way to see it in blood work as well – fasting glucose over 85 (mine was last checked at 98), history of low-normal blood pressure earlier in life which creeps up to borderline high/high as the symptoms manifest (that’s me!), high “bad” cholesterol (yep, although I also have high “good” cholesterol…), and either really low or really high triglycerides (I have the latter). Trying to combat this by merely limiting saturated and trans fats won’t help because the real culprit is the carbohydrates – the nutrient that sends people with this predisposition into a blood sugar/insulin tailspin that leads right to fat gain – either in our blood or on our bodies (or both!)

Because our bodies are going haywire by overproducing insulin we wind up in a cycle of high to low blood sugar which leads us back to carbs and more carbs just to try to make ourselves feel better; when your blood sugar drops low, you get a signal to follow the quickest route to relief – fast carbs! Add that to the fact that if we don’t eat carbs often enough, our liver will release glycogen stores into our bloodstream to keep us going (which also sets the insulin response in motion). So we’re still getting fatter when we DON”T EAT. This is crazy making, when you think about it.

Diane Kress explains the science behind this response pretty well but I don’t even need all that to recognize the pattern in my own life. This totally explains why I get hungry again quickly after eating quick carbs, why I’m cranky as hell if I don’t eat every few of hours, why I get dead tired in the middle of the afternoon and need coffee just to make it through the rest of the day, and why I’m normally NOT hungry in the morning (my liver’s been dumping sugar into my bloodstream for hours since it’s been so long since I last ate – sometimes since 7pm the night before – over 12 hours!)

So what can I do about it? Well, her plan is pretty genius and completely doable. There is an initial low carb phase where you let your liver and pancreas (that releases the insulin) rest. That is 8 weeks and is low-carb, not no-carb. I’m a couple weeks in and it’s not that tough. I get to put my intuitive eating skills to use – there’s very little counting. It’s basically just a way to treat my body well. Those carby foods weren’t making me feel good so it’s not such a big challenge to avoid them for awhile. I cannot express how much better I’ve been feeling in terms of energy level and mood lately. And it’s a beautiful thing to know that this isn’t forever, that I will get more of those foods back when I’m ready for them.

The big difference between this program and those like Atkins or South Beach is the idea that the important thing is to keep a steady stream of low impact carbs coming to keep the insulin response in check and block the self-feeding mechanism from the liver so that it doesn’t kick in and exacerbate the insulin problem. After the first phase where you’re blocking this cycle by just not ever having enough carbs at a time to trigger an insulin release or build up the sugar stores in the liver that would allow the self-feeding to happen, the second phase switches the focus to controlling insulin by giving the body controlled amounts of carbs on a regular basis to keep the system humming and on track without over stimulating the pancreas to over-release insulin. Basically, it involves never going more than 5 hours without a serving of carbs (each time you eat carbs it’s a single serving of low impact carbs like whole grain as opposed to white, etc.) She even advocates a snack if you wake up in the night to prevent the overnight release. At the very least, we should eat one serving right before bed and shortly after getting up. It is so counter to what we’ve always been taught (don’t eat after 8!) but makes a lot of sense to me now. The final phase is maintenance or simply a plan to live your life after the goal of losing weight is off the table. It’s the same as phase 2, but includes more carbs (the amount is based on your personal stats).

I really feel like I’ve found the missing piece. I don’t see this as a return to dieting but rather a way to treat a medical condition I didn’t even understand I had! Looking at my lab work, I can see that I was on this train and that if I didn’t stop the cycle, I’d be diagnosed with pre-diabetes and most certainly put on meds for my high cholesterol sooner rather than later. Having this information makes me feel so empowered with a feeling like I’m finally on the right track. I don’t feel restricted or deprived, I feel free knowing that I’m finally addressing the root problem, not just the symptom (the weight).

Learn more on the book’s Amazon page (you can “look inside” to get a good bit of text before committing to buy it) and the Metabolism Miracle website.

Anyone else heard of this approach?

Why am I Gluten Free and Should I Stay that Way?

When trying out a gluten elimination diet, a 60 day trial is usually what is recommended. Well, it’s been 60 days. I’ve found avoiding gluten to be not as difficult as I would have imagined. The only time I really freaked out was at the wedding last weekend. I was cranky and hungry when we got to the reception and consciously made the choice to dig into the bread basket. That night I had a roll and a half and about a cup of spaghetti. Not exactly a “breaking my diet” binge. I didn’t feel any sort of urge to go all out or overindulge since I’d already given myself permission to “eat what I wanted”. And although there was lovely wedding cake, donuts, and other dessert-goodness, I was simply too full by that point to be interested. This all just reinforced to me that avoiding gluten was a choice I was making to see if it would improve how I felt, not a diet. I had none of the diet-breaking symptoms. This was fantastic news. One thing I did notice was that I craved a bagel the next morning when I smelled Cute Man toasting one. I decided to not go for it, then, so it definitely wasn’t an all-encompassing undeniable urge. I’ve remained gluten free since and it’s been fine.

My question, though, is: what is the purpose? Am I achieving what I sought out to do? I reviewed my first post about going GF from back in April and realized that I haven’t seen any improvement in the physical symptoms I described. The biggest is the heartburn and that is still raging, I must say. TUMS remains my friend and I’m living with it. The other things I mentioned all remain the same, too. With the gluten free trial period completed, I would expect to see some sort of difference. I realize that these things don’t happen right away, but after two months, I’d think I’d see something. So, it’s really an opportunity cost thing. For the inconvenience of avoiding this food, what I am getting? Nothing really that I can see.

I also need to balance these health concerns with my dieting history and make sure I’m not doing it in order to somehow continue to restrict my eating. I must admit that I hoped that avoiding wheat would have a “happy side-effect” of not exactly weight loss, but maybe leave me less bloated and more comfortable in my clothes… Well, the bridesmaid dress was definitely tighter last week than it was before the GF experiment. I’m not beating myself up about that or anything, it’s just a fact. So that hope (whether it was a healthy one or not) went out the window, too. As a result, I feel like I need to return to Intuitive Eating basics and stop the GF restriction at this time. It’s not helping me and may actually be triggering a bit of my ‘fantasy of finding the answer to my weight related woes’ issue. I can say that I’m fine with being fat all I want, but it’s a hard road to follow within our culture. I recognize that dieting has never had a lasting positive impact on my life but making peace with my body is an ongoing process.

Moving forward, I’m continuing to focus on treating my body well. I’ve been upping my yoga practice and enjoying it at home more often as well as my classes at work. I want to add more walking in my daily life but I’m otherwise pleased with my ability and inclination toward activity (it’s no longer something I should do, rather it’s something I want to do because it feels good). This is a huge shift for me! I also know that keeping processed foods to a minimum helps me feel better, too, so that will continue. As for the continuing heartburn, it is what it is. For now, I think medicating with TUMS isn’t the end of the world. I’ll mention it to my doctor the next time I’m there and see if she has any ideas. It’s time to give myself a break and just trust I know how to feed myself: Eat when hungry, stop when full. I can do that!

Sticking up for Myself

It is NOT OK to harass me about my weight. I don’t care if you’re a “friend” (in quotes because none of my real friends would do such a thing), co-worker, or my doctor. It’s that last one that got me going last week. I’m proud to say that although I cowered a bit during the actual encounter, I took back voice by emailing the doctor afterwards.

I like to think of myself as confident and self-assured. And I am, most of the time. My big blind spot is my weight and always has been. But the nature of that uncertainty has shifted over the past year. For most of my life I’ve felt there was something wrong with me and that it was my job to fix it. I have struggled for over 20 years to restrict my eating and have exercised for the purpose of weight loss until I was blue in the face (or red, to be more accurate). All for “nothing” and I have failed, at least by generally accepted standards. I am bigger than I have ever been in my life. *gasp* And somehow, I am the happiest I have ever been with myself and within myself.

I’ve gotten to the point where I truly believe I’m better off without the food restriction and punishing workouts. I know that I am taking BETTER care of myself by not engaging in those disordered behaviors. The next step is to share these beliefs in a world where “common knowledge” asserts the exact opposite. I feel really self conscious about it, especially around people I love who think otherwise. I do believe it’s OK and possible to agree to disagree, but I still get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that these people disapprove of me.

I thought about all this briefly before heading in to an appointment to get a Rx for psoriasis on my scalp. “They’ll probably weigh me,” I thought. Well, refusing to go through with that would make it a much bigger deal than it should be. “Just do it,” I thought. It’s only a number and has no power. It’s simply some feedback. And it was a big number and I felt the familiar pang. I banished it and went into the exam.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that my weight would take over the appointment. “You’re almost in the obese category,” the doctor said in hushed tones. To my credit, I let her know I’ve been technically obese for my entire adult life, even at my smallest weights. “What you mean is that I’m almost morbidly obese”, I said to her shock and horror. “So what are you doing to work on this,” she asked. I started to explain that I’m working to heal after years of food restriction and am currently experiencing some rebounding weight gain but was cut off with offers of healthy eating courses offered at the health center. I felt that she had no genuine concern for what was going on with me. The number on the scale was larger than she “liked” so she was supposed to recommend weight loss classes and warn of all the harmful affects of not losing weight. There was no time for or real interest in discussing the issue. So I shut up. I smiled and nodded and got myself out of there. She made sure to remind me before I left the room and tried to press a flyer in my hand for the weight loss classes.

I did not leave feeling good about the encounter so I decided to contact the doctor after the fact. I felt compelled to at least express my truth to her in the hopes that a little crack of understanding might creep into her mind before embarking on a similar conversation with another patient. Her response was pretty noncommittal and I doubt much will change, but I did my part and for that, I feel good. I know it took quite a few exposures to the ideas of Health at Every Size before I let it in. Maybe this is one that will help her be more receptive next time…

Here’s my letter (I was limited to 1000 characters so it’s concise):

Thank you so much for seeing me last week - my scalp is much better. However, I wanted to share some thoughts about the discussion of weightloss.

I can understand the desire to take advantage of any doctor-patient contact to bring up pressing concerns about general health (i.e. weight). However, knowing “the weight talk” is coming causes me & others like me to avoid getting medical care. Telling someone she’s obese & needs to lose weight for her health/recommending a weight loss class is disempowering. Telling her she can see improvements in her blood pressure by finding movement she likes & doing it consistently is much more specific/achievable.

Please visit http://www.lindabacon.org/pdf/Podcast_HAES_HlthProvider.pdf for a concise overview aimed at health care providers on how focusing on weight is not helpful. Please take a moment to entertain a different point of view & hopefully gain some sensitivity to the situation your obese patients are in. Thanks in advance for listening.

So what do you think? Was I right to be offended? Do you think sending the letter was the right course of action? Have you ever experienced something similar and what did you do or wish you had done?

Reframing Resolutions

It’s that time of year – you know, when everyone and their mother is talking about how they’re going to make this year better than the last. And for many, that means self-improvement which often translates to TIME TO LOSE WEIGHT! The commercials are on a perpetual loop – NutriSystem! Jenny Craig! Weight Watchers! Even the cereal Special K is in on the action this year. How nice of them to remind us all that we’re big fat losers and we should go give them our money RIGHT NOW. Because, you know, science proves that giving them money makes us skinny.

However, for most of us, that promise just doesn’t pan out in any real or lasting way. Sure, we may see the scale dip lower for awhile (and doesn’t it just feel GREAT?!), but it’s the rare exception that sees that result last very long. And at what price? The thought of being on food restriction and being hyper-aware of all choices for the rest of my life is exhausting.

But still, I’m tempted. I cannot lie. I look at Valerie Bertinelli and think, “well, maybe…” I have to almost physically shake myself back to reality sometimes. Eating prepackaged food might work temporarily and offer a short respite from having to think about food and it’s affect on body size, but it’s not sustainable. The rebound alone is just not worth it. So, I must work with what I’ve got: my brain and my wonderful body that gets me through life each and every day. Isn’t that amazing?

Even so, the urge to get fit and focus on self improvement persists. I want to look and feel better than I do now. So what’s a Intuitive Eater in training to do? Well, you may call it just semantics but I choose to focus on behaviors and habits rather than the outcome. I choose to put my energy into doing things that are positive for my health – buying yummy whole foods, putting time and care into preparing meals, and moving my body. That’s it. I just let go of any expectation of weight loss. I’m recommitting to doing these things for my overall well-being so there is no pressure of disappointment if weight loss doesn’t happen as a result.

This outlook has a positive impact financially as well. I’m not forking over my cash with my self efficacy to some corporate conglomerate selling snake oil in the form of the fantasy of being thin. I’m not choosing to spend lots of money on classes or equipment to “motivate me”. In reality, getting fit and moving more doesn’t have to cost a thing. Paying for classes, etc. is nice (and I do spend some money on low cost yoga classes so I’m not hating on all expenditures). I just don’t think that spending money can substitute for actual follow-through – a lesson that’s taken me a long time to learn. There are so many free/low cost things to do, it’s incredible.

In my own particular (charmed) world, I have access to two free fitness rooms at work, low cost yoga classes at work, tons of free exercise classes On Demand (I’ve been using those for strength training), and my own two feet :) I also invested a couple bucks in some hand weights and a resistance band to help with my goal of getting stronger this year. That’s it.

To help get me going, I’ve lowered my threshold for what constitutes a good workout. I used to think that if I didn’t do at LEAST 30 minutes, it basically wasn’t worth it. Well, now I’m committing to just 20 minutes most days. Not all days, but most. I will have my 2 one-hour-long yoga classes each week, but the other days just require me to suit up and do 20 minutes. I can DO that. And starting where I am now (feeling very out of shape), it’s a good start that is least likely to result in injury. Will I up the time commitment as I rebuild my stamina? Probably, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I just want to enjoy the effects of getting some exercise each day without all the pressure and obsession on results. I’m going to do it just to do it and see where it gets me.

So, how has the New Year impacted your motivation to get healthier in 2010? Are you a sucker for the urge to reboot your bod come January, like me? What steps are you taking in your quest? Or, are you immune to the social pressure and living life as usual, focused on your goals but no more or less so due to the calendar? How do you stay so sane? Please share your take in the comments.

Do You “Struggle with Your Weight”?

It’s a common phrase – one I’ve used myself many a time. I used it as a way to express that I was somehow a work-in-progress, that I knew and understood that I was flawed and that I was expending effort to fix the problem. It was a badge to hold up and say, “See, at least I know there’s a problem!” I could participate in the larger culture with my fat-exemption card. I have to admit that it was a big part of my identity, to the point where I created a whole social life around myself built on the very premise. Struggling together was easier than struggling alone because we all know, struggling sucks. It’s hard. It’s energy draining. It took over my life. I decided to revisit this idea after reading this post over at Living 400 lbs.

Now, I’d like to say that the struggle is over – that I’ve learned my lesson and all is healed. If it were only that easy. Life is never black and white and I am swimming my way through the gray. Some days I fully embody Margaret Cho’s Fuck it Diet, and feel really great, really in tune with what my body needs to function well and wants just for the joy of it. Other days, the anxiety creeps in and the struggle resurfaces as an effort to silence the food police in my head and the nasty thoughts about my current (and frightening-to-think-about future weight).

The one real tool I have to combat these negative feelings is exercise. The thing I sometimes forgot about when “working out” to try to lose weight, is that moving my body feels fantastic. Getting going is the hard part but usually I feel good while doing it and really good afterwards. It’s hard to feel bad about myself when I’ve just done an hour plus of walking, yoga, pilates, or other strength training. It just doesn’t compute. What I try to avoid, however, are the thoughts about how doing these things will somehow prevent the apocalypse of The Ever-Expanding-Amelia outcome that I so fear. I cannot claim to have overcome that one yet, but practice makes perfect. I try to reframe my desires for movement as something that is showing myself care, that I’m doing it to feel better in my own skin. The goal cannot be weight loss. It just doesn’t work for me. It makes the whole thing into a chore, something that must be checked off the good-fatty checklist. There is no faster way to churn up Please-Just-Let-Me-Sit-On-The-Couch thoughts than that.

I’ve started to notice that the more I talk to myself in this way, the closer I come to believing it. It’s the whole fake-it-till-you-make-it strategy in action. So, I’m calling it – I’m done with the “struggling” metaphor. My body and I are on the same team. Even when my brain sometimes rebels and I have to talk her down, we’re still on the same side. It’s all me and it’s all good. I’m all good. I don’t need or want fixing. I can take excellent care of myself with wholesome, yummy food and fun, joyful activity. I can do all that without the goal of changing my body or losing weight. I can be healthy and not at war with my body. I’m calling a permanent cease fire.

Does anyone else use this metaphor? Do you think it's helping or hurting your efforts to be happy and healthy?

The iPhone and My Healthy Life

It’s been a week since the Cute Man and I gleefully made our way to the Apple Store and bought our iPhones. I must say that it has more than compensated for the sadness of having to give back the Mini (HP Netbook). It really is everything I thought it would be and I have absolutely no regrets about the purchase (financial or otherwise). Good financial management is about making choices based on what’s important to you. And after 2 years of waiting for our contract to be up (we regretted not doing this almost right away when we chose Verizon over going with AT&T and the iPhone), we wanted these puppies and we wanted them something fierce. So, we planned for this expense and are thrilled with the result. It doesn’t even look like we’ll be paying THAT much more, especially considering how much more we’re getting for the money.

It’s a whole new world, especially for me. CM had his iPod Touch so it was basically just an upgrade/consolidation thing for him. But for me, the “just give me the free phone” girl, it was a revelation. It is the most fantastic thing I’ve ever owned. I’ve downloaded applications for everything from free music to stream based on my preferences (Pandora), to ones that help me practice my German with fun little games, to full-on yoga classes. It’s incredible. Not to mention the old standbys of weather, online banking, and maps. And I can read my Kindle books on it! I even downloaded the entire Firefly television season (plus the movie Serenity among others), which I have been watching every free moment.

To complement my new toy, I’ve gotten some accessories as well: a Sony iPhone alarm clock with great sound from the speakers, a charger for my car, and my new favorite FREE DIY iPhone stand that I made out of an old card.

At this point, it’s time to put on the breaks and just enjoy what I’ve got. There are so many free things to do/get with it (podcasts, free apps, Pandora and music I already have, Kindle books I already have, and free audio books that I found in an app) that I can stop the bleeding (spending) now and be quite content for some time.

I also plan to save some cash by using the low cost strength training and yoga apps that I downloaded. I will keep up with my paid yoga classes (2 times per week), but I’m going to forgo at least one of the two weekly paid Pilates classes and work out with my apps in the free work gym instead. We’ll see how that goes. I like the classes because they are an appointment to keep so it lends some structure. However, I think I can capitalize on my love-affair with my new gadget to lend some added motivation to hit the gym on my own.

After only one week, I know I’ve just scratched the surface of what my iPhone is capable of but I’m thrilled with what I’ve discovered so far. Going forward, I will have to be mindful to take the most advantage of the capabilities without frivolously buying things with little thought (which is EASY to do, I know). But all in all, I couldn’t be happier!

A Return to Whole Foods (the concept, not the store!)

While catching up at Cheap Healthy Good, one of my favorite food sites, I came across a link to this post about Nourishing Traditions, a cookbook that focuses on getting back to cooking in well, more traditional time honored ways. I was pulled in right away.

Since starting on my path to Intuitive Eating (IE), I’ve been happily making peace with food. As a result, I’ve indulged in much more food of the processed persuasion, just because I *can*. Most of that has been the Trader Joe’s type of processed but not all of it. I definitely don’t like focusing on so much convenience food. There has to be a balance. I realize that it was necessary stage of my healing to swing the other way first, though, so I’m not judging my food choices or anything. I just am finding myself looking forward to cooking more whole foods and putting more effort into my cooking and general food prep.

I’ll actually be participating in an upcoming study that will examine how an IE lifestyle focused on mostly whole foods coupled with moderate strength training affects overall health. It will be a two year commitment and I’m super excited to participate. But that hasn’t started yet – I’ll post more about that when it begins next month and throughout the study.

My head is already starting to get back to craving “real” food that I prepare myself, though, so there’s no reason to wait. I’m coming at this from a place of excitement, not one of trying to “eat healthy”. I will not completely abandon all play foods, not by a long shot. I plan to continue incorporating them into my daily intake, focusing on making my own versions as well as treating myself to the occasional processed items from time to time. It’s not all or nothing. I’m focusing on ADDING more whole foods, not in trying to deny myself anything. I think that psychological distinction is key for me.

In any case, I came across the Nourishing Traditions book just when I was ready to embrace it. I hopped right over to Amazon and downloaded it to my Kindle. I’ve only just begun reading it (yes, I’m actually reading a cookbook!) and have discovered that it’s much more than just a book of recipes. It catalogues all the different ways we have been mislead when it comes to “nutrition” in the media. So many studies have been twisted to say what the researchers wanted them to say. Others were just ignored because they didn’t prove what they wanted them to. I’ve come across some of this before but it never ceases to amaze me. The author advocates a return to not only eating more whole foods but to draw on more traditional ways of food preparation as a way to combat some of the damage we’ve done to ourselves with all this fake food.

I will be working my way through the fantastic info in the book as well as trying out some recipes. I will periodically post about how they turn out and what I’m learning in the process. And lest you think that I’ve completely abandoned my focus on personal finance, I will be noting any savings that come from buying and cooking my own food on a more consistent basis.

Please chime in with any advice or experience you may have to share about cooking and eating whole foods. I’m not completely new to the concept (I’ve always loved to cook) but am coming at it from a whole new perspective. I welcome all input!

Fat Women LESS Likely to Have Premature Babies?

A study discussed by Sandy Szwarc at Junk Food Science totally blew my mind. For years, I have been fraught with fears of getting pregnant while still in the obese category. I thought, if only I could lose some weight before having children, everything would be better – I’d be healthier, my baby would be healthier. I also thought about how I could eat in healthy way so that I wouldn’t gain too much weight while pregnant. And it goes without saying that I’d do my best to shed those excess pounds after delivery. I just couldn’t fathom getting bigger than I am already.

First goal: lose weight before getting pregnant.

Second goal: don’t gain too much weight when I do.

Third goal: work to lose pregnancy weight after birth.

I am literally in tears thinking about how much time I wasted trying to lose weight for this reason only to learn (from the study discussed in the link above):

The CDC researchers also found that fat women with BMIs in the ‘obese’ category and high weight gain (>1.5 pounds/week) were associated with the lowest risks for preterm deliveries of all (2.4%): less than half the risks seen among those of average weights and weight gain. While some believe fat women should gain less weight during pregnancy, they found that low pregnancy weight gain for obese women raised their risks for preterm deliveries to 9.3%.

And of COURSE I’d want to lose weight after having my first child, right? More from the article linked above:

Another point noted in this new study that may have come as a revelation was that researchers had previously shown that weight loss after a pregnancy can increase a woman’s risk of having a preterm delivery with her next pregnancy.

This one article alone has challenged me to question all that I thought I knew about weight and pregnancy. I can’t say that I’ve completely let go of my fears of weight GAIN. It’s scary to think that it is not only inevitable but actually preferable that I would indeed gain weight when carrying my first child. Sitting here at my highest weight (I’ve reached it before but never exceeded it, that I know of), I can’t imagine it.

While following a path of intuitive eating, I recognize that I may release some weight as my body normalizes and lets go of any excess that is not needed. I know that paradoxically, if I focus on that as a goal, I’m least likely to see that happen. But I still hope… I genuinely still believe that it would be healthier for me to start having children at a lower weight. Whether this is true or not, I cannot say.

The important thing for me to take from this is that no matter what, I am following the path I need to take. If it leads to me to getting smaller in the long run, if that’s where my body will be healthiest, great. If not, this is encouraging news that I may not be putting myself and my future child in harm’s way.

I was comforted to be reminded:

For most of human history, fat has been life-sustaining and a sign of a woman’s ability to bear and nurture children. Obesity continues to be shown to have a protective relationship for carrying a baby to term in the soundest studies, as these researchers confirmed...

…the welfare of all babies and improving their chances for healthy futures should be the primary concern, not whether their mums are fat. All babies deserve a healthy start and all mothers-to-be deserve good prenatal care… and the very best information.

It is true that the Cute Man and I have delayed having children for many reasons (getting our finances together was a biggy), but I must admit that this is the one that really stopped me in my tracks. With so much information out there, it is indeed hard to know what to believe. However, the studies discussed in this article have really spurred a lot of thought. I am interested in any other perspectives you may want to share!

Fear of Weight Gain: How I'm working to Overcome it with Intuitive Eating

My biggest fear as I start this new process is that giving myself permission to eat what and how much I want will result in weight GAIN. This is horrifying to my diet-saturated mind. How can I risk it? Wouldn’t it be safer just to go back to counting calories? These are the questions and the mentality that I have to contend with within my own head. At this point, I need to just let go and move through the process without focus on the outcome.

So for all that fear, it turns out that it probably WILL happen. And it won’t necessarily be a bad thing. I came across an amazing post at Through Thick and Thin, an Intuitive Eating Forum, where one of the administrators, Shannon, explains what to expect when first letting go of fearing food and honoring hunger:

“…The key is to relax in this phase; to understand that your body has suffered a lot of abuse and needs to become acclimated to regular feeding. If you give your body this reprieve, you will find that any weight gain experienced is minimal and will rapidly level off. With consistent feeding, your body will feel secure that there is no impending food shortage and will begin to release its fat stores. If you can find some time to do some strength exercise; whether lifting weights, or using calisthenics and the natural weight of your body for resistance; you can begin to rebuild the muscle tissue that was lost through dieting. Replenishing muscle tissue will restore the efficiency of your metabolism; facilitating more timely healing…

…What is pertinent to recognize is that after years of disregarding your body and its needs, there is a physiological balancing that needs to take place. It may take some time for your body to readjust and you owe your body the space to make this shift. You owe your body at least this respect. It has been through a lot. What has been the pursuit of a physical ideal for you, has been a taxing crisis for your body. If you stick with intuitive eating and focus on your healing process; relinquishing the physical goal; you will find that naturally and effortlessly, your body will reach a size and shape that is healthy for you. Don't burden your body with a time constraint for this healing to manifest. Surrender to the wisdom of your body.”

Over the past few days of reading about intuitive eating in the book and on the forum, I’m starting to calm down a bit with this fear. I have come to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing, no matter what. Even if I never shed an ounce. Even if it means living in an even bigger body. If I focus on taking care of myself and being as healthy as possible, I will be a much happier person. The issue is not about my size or shape but about my health and happiness. If I concentrate on that, the rest will take care of itself.

I no longer have the conviction that if I stopprd my intermittent attempts at weight loss, my weight would go up indefinitely. I now understand that is untrue – if I finally start listening to my own body, my own intuition about what to eat and how to move, I’ll settle at a healthy place for my particular body. Where ever that set-point winds up to be will be OK. How wonderful to learn that it is possible to trust myself. It is possible to heal. Knowing that I will never go on another diet again is so freeing.

A 180 on Weight

As happy as I was with the Daily Plate, I realized that there was something just not “right” about my approach. I’ve felt it deep down for a long time, but I’ve been way too scared to really confront it. I got a taste of it when I started with the Beck Diet. The suggestion that I needed to sit and just eat my meals was somehow just too much for me. I tend to read or watch TV while eating… I know this isn’t conducive to healthy eating, but I felt like it was habit I just couldn’t break. That resistance spelled the death knell for the Beck approach.

So I went back to what works – calorie restriction. On a very basic level, this does indeed work. When I eat less than I burn, the scale goes down. It’s just very difficult to maintain, even when the goal is reasonable and not extreme. I found myself cycling through periods of sticking with it and then falling off a cliff into binges where I’d just tune out, eating what I wanted. However, there was no relief in those periods, either. I wasn’t free of worrying about my weight and eating, it just went underground making me feel guilty and bad about the fact that I wasn’t counting what ate. That definitely took a lot of the pleasure out of whatever it was I was binging on, leading me to eat even more, to make myself feel better. This, of course, didn’t really work so I’d work myself back up to counting again and being “good”. Around and around we go…

I did all of this because I was searching for the numbers (calories eaten vs. burned, the scale) to tell me what to do. I was looking outside of myself for guidance on how to fix myself. Since I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember, there must be something fundamentally broken about the way I interact with food. The thought of trusting myself with how much I should eat and when never occurred to me. When I heard about Intuitive Eating, I thought, “that’s such a great idea – for someone else”. There was just no way I’d be able to figure out what to eat without some serious math involved!

I know that sounds silly, but it is indeed a deeply held belief that I have. I am untrustworthy around food. If there is a lot food around, I will inevitably eat it. If there are snacks in the house, I will eat them all. So, the best thing is to avoid these situations – eat before I go to a party so I can just eat something small and be OK – refrain for bringing anything “bad” into the house.

I just took a look at myself and asked, is this really working, though? In my heart, I heard a loud NO. I am not happy, I am not thin, and most importantly – I’m not as healthy as I want to be. Something isn’t clicking. This led me to buy the Health at Every Size book. It was really eye opening and I read it through in a single day. I loved the philosophy but I was gripped with fear. What if I stop “trying” and I just balloon up? I loved the HAES idea but felt it was a little short on what exactly I should do. To help myself get a grip on how to get started, I am reading more about Intuitive Eating. I am ready to find a way back to trusting myself. It’s something I’ll have to re-learn but I’m willing to start.

The first thing I’m concentrating on is letting go of my fear of food. I am embracing the idea of eating what I want. When I allow myself to do that, the “bad” food loses its allure. (This is the theory and I’m just starting to experiment with this). If I know I can have oreos anytime I want, there is no need to eat 15 of them at a sitting. I’ll let you know how this goes. It is the most frightening thing I’ve done in my weight loss quest. Eat what I WANT? How bazaar! It started well, though, with the homemade brownies and ice cream I allowed myself to make and eat last night. (Scary, I know!) But you know what? I really didn’t go crazy with it. I had a single serving and felt great about it. Imagine!

Today, I focused on Honoring my Hunger and stopping when I was just satisfied. I ate without distractions and really enjoyed the stew I brought for lunch. I ate it mindfully and stopped about ¾ through because I’d had enough. It was an amazing accomplishment. Without fail, I always eat my entire Tupperware container-full – mostly just because it’s there and it’s the amount I had pre-counted calorie-wise. Instead, I am working on listening to my inner voice as to when I’m hungry or full. I am building a bit more confidence in my ability to do this.

Lastly, I found an Intuitive Eating group on Facebook and an online Forum for it as well. I think that interacting with “real” people who are doing this will help tremendously. I know that two of the wonderful bloggers I follow mostly eat in this way – Sally from Aprovechar and FT from Notes from the Frugal Trenches. I have always admired this ability and hope to join them in the endeavor. Has anyone else tried this approach? If so, how do you feel about it?

Calorie Tracking: What Works for Me

As I’ve mentioned before, FitDay is a calorie tracker which I’ve used with great success. However, a friend mentioned another free online one at the Daily Plate (thanks, Julie!) so I decided to check it out. It is much more user friendly and seems to have a far more extensive database of foods and activities. AND, it says I can eat more food :)

We’ve got a winner, folks! I’ve been really dragging lately and having a hard time logging in all of my food. I start out well during the day but develop selective memory in the evenings. Having a fresh new fun tool will help reinvigorate my efforts (one can hope!) The best game plan for me is always to pre-track what I plan to eat later that evening. I did that today so I’m off to a good start.

One of the toughest things for me and for a lot of people, I guess, is when I’m out of my routine. When I know I’m going home to cook and eat my own food, I can plan pretty easily. But when I’m going out for some social occasion, it gets a little dicier. At least I know what I can plan on for the Personal Finance bloggers get-together tomorrow – it’s half price night for burgers where we’re meeting :) And that’s OK, awesome in fact, because I know in advance and can plan around it. Knowing I have a juicy burger to look forward to makes it WAY easier to eat lighter during the day.

For a little insight on today’s progress, here are some excerpts from “My Plate”:

I’m always up for learning about new fun strategies and tools for weight loss – anybody discover anything new lately?

Serious Recommitment or Day 7 of the 10 Day Challenge

OK, so this challenge hasn’t worked out the way I’d hoped. Let’s face it, I’ve been off track. As you can see from this weight goal graph, things were going swimmingly up until mid-late April. Those high squiggles above the line are NOT good.

After an awesome conversation with a friend today, I realize that I have been trying too hard (yet again) and derailing myself in the process. Why did I think that “shooting” for 1500 calories was a good daily goal? I *know* myself. I tend to give up when I go over. So… I have reevaluated a few things. First of all, I’m changing my goal to a straight 1 lb per week pace (as opposed to 1.25lbs or 5lbs per month). That is a great, slow-and-steady pace to shoot for. I’m also going to work on keeping my calorie intake to between 1700-1750 calories per day – the amount FitDay recommends to achieve that 1 lb per week pace, even without added exercise.

The exercise that I do will help offset any small overages but I think this is a more attainable way to go about this. This plan will take me below 200lbs by the end of the year. I can live with that!

Back from the Brink or Day 3 of the 10 Day Challenge

OK, so I got off to a good start with that Jillian workout. But I basically fell off a cliff into a binge yesterday. It started with a little overindulgence at dinner Saturday night with Cute Man. But it pretty much snowballed yesterday. I can blame PMS all I want but it won’t change the result.

So now I’ve ‘fessed up and feel better :) There’s no use dwelling on what was wrong with this past weekend. I’m ready to get myself back together starting NOW. Having the routine of the workweek certainly helps. My goal for today is to just eat the food I’ve pre-planned and just relax with it. There’s no sense of punishing myself for “bad” behavior, rather it makes more sense just to get back at it. So here I am :)

Tonight is my circuit training class so I feel good that I have some serious exercise planned. It always gives my confidence a boost. So what’s your motivation for today? Please share in the comments.

Jillian Michaels is the Devil or Day 1 of the 10 Day Challenge

Day 1 is off to a good start. I have gotten in a good (though punishing) workout. My trainer is out of town so I had to improvise today. I took advantage of my Comcast on Demand and loaded up Jillian's newest workout aimed at boosting metabolism. There was a lot of cardio in there to keep my heart pumping for the almost full hour workout. The cool thing was that it didn't require any equipment, just body weight resistance. It did the trick, I can tell you!

As for my food intake, I am doing OK so far. I'm having a "hungry" day so I had both a substantial breakfast (an egg plus english muffin with jam) and lunch (a buffalo burger on a whole wheat bun with a salad). I am fine with eating at the top of my range today as long as I stay accountable and keep track. Participating in this challenge is a good way to combat the head in the sand temptation.

I'll soon be off to a movie with Cute Man so challenges will abound. Since I just ate, I should be OK for awhile and should be able to make some good choices, even if we wind up eating out for dinner. I'll through a luna bar in my bag just in case I "have to have something" at the movie. I'll check in later or tomorrow morning. I hope you're all enjoying the weekend!

The Ten Days Towards Health Challenge

Well, FT from Notes from the Frugal Trenches threw down the gauntlet today by starting this challenge. The plan is to document food eaten and exercise accomplished for each of the next ten days. I will try to incorporate some photos, but I’m making no promises! The purpose is to increase mindfulness and help us make the best choices possible.

My goal is to keep my calories between 1500-1650 each day and to have planned meaningful activity on 7/10 days. I don’t have any specific goals of eating fruits and vegetables or protein. I find that when I’m mindful of what I’m eating and trying to stay within my calorie range, I naturally gravitate towards those things. I’m a volume eater – I like to eat. A LOT. As in, I like to eat large amount of food. As a result, fiber is my friend. I like filling up on a big bowl of vegetables or a salad and my go-to snacks are usually fruit. Protein is also good for keeping me full, so I tend to get a decent amount of that, too.

I’m not really changing much about how I’ve been working on losing weight lately, with this challenge. It’s more a way or adding some more accountability. I’ve been having a tough time staying on track the last couple of days and this should help me with that. If anyone else is interested in joining this challenge, just chime in on it in the comments!

I will start my reporting tomorrow, April 25th!